Excerpt for Samus' World: The Series (Season 1) by , available in its entirety at Smashwords






All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used

in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the

publisher/author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.


The stories in this book are works of fiction. Any references to historical events, or

real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places and scandals are

products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events,

places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.


Copyright © 2017 by Edwin Betancourt


Created in the United States of America


First Printing, 2017



For Business Inquiries, Questions, or Concerns Email EJB326@gmail.com





















SAMUS’ WORLD: THE SERIES

SEASON 1

BY

EDWIN BETANCOURT













Behind Samus’ World

I came up with the idea of Samus’ World five years ago and it went through various changes that probably would make anyone’s head explode.

Now originally it was supposed to be a web series that would have premiered on Youtube. Two years ago, I met an amazing Producer and together we were going to cast the roles and start shooting this bad boy; unfortunately everything fell through on the Producer’s end and I was just left with a script and a broken dream.

I stared blankly at that script for months trying to figure out a proper way to share this interesting story with the world and especially with the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Questioning community.

I tried turning it into a book but no matter the narrative, the magic that was in the screenplay was completely lost. Not even Edgar Allan Poe could help me write the book adaptation. Then something hit me like lightning striking down an oak tree, I had the idea of just uploading the entire screenplay- as a book!

Now I could have wrote it like a play but the final episode leaves the show open for another season aka another book. Instead, I set my mind to the final product you are currently reading.

When I searched for something similar to this on Google I came up with no results and that ultimately made me nervous, but at the same time it showed me that Samus’ World would be something unique and different; just like me .

This story is not only entertaining but it is also very relatable to many young Gay men trying to navigate the shallow waters occupied by Gay Men.

If you are interested in probably bringing my vision to life please feel free to email me at EJB326@gmail.com, after all this story is trademarked and we can talk business.

Thank you again and I hope you enjoy your visit to Samus’ World!

Eternally Grateful,

Edwin Betancourt

SAMUS’ WORLD CHARACTER LIST (in order of appearance)

  • Samus Ortiz - (Mid- Late 20’s). He is the protagonist. A writer for ‘L&G Daily’. He is openly Gay. He’s smart, sarcastic, cunning, headstrong and honest. He has a soft tenor speaking voice which he is very self-conscious about.



  • Dylan Bregar- (Late 20’s- Early 30’s). He is a Freelance photographer who enjoys looking at the world through the lens of his camera. He is from New Jersey and that is evident by his accent. He is a mystery that not even Sherlock Holmes can solve.



  • Belky Allen- (Early 40’s- Late 50’s). He is the founder and Editor-in- Chief of ‘L&G Daily’. He is smart, headstrong and hates surprises. Although he is founded New York’s top selling LGBTQ Paper, he does not identify as LGBTQ but he is a strong ally.



  • Gustin Allen- (Late 20’s- Early 30’s). He is Belky’s only son and he is the calmer one in the family. He is the Editor of ‘L&G Daily’ and has many new ideas that could renovate L&G but his father shoots them down at every chance he gets.



  • Ursula Bextor- (Late 20’s-Early 30’s). A free spirit who wears her heart on her sleeve and doesn’t care who knows. She is fierce, sassy and doesn’t hold her tongue for anyone. She identifies as Pansexual but doesn’t like to label herself as anything. She is best friends with Samus and has known him since they were 3 years old. For some odd reason she speaks with an English accent and nobody knows why, since she is from Detroit.



  • Phillip Ellis- (Mid 20’s). Samus’ online date. He is tall and a bit of an emotional wreck.



  • Carlito Reyes- (Early 20’s). Samus’ foil. He was best friends with Samus until he slept with Samus’ ex Ethan, causing Samus and Ethan to break up. He is still dating Ethan. He is a contributing writer for L&G Daily’s competitor Hesh’e Magazine.



  • Parker Myers- (Mid 30’s-Early 40’s). A very handsome man who often gets called a ‘DILF’ by people and it’s a term that he hasn’t embraced because he’s shy. He is an online date for Samus.



  • Mary- (Late 50’s). An older woman who strongly believes romance is beautiful. She loves seeing two people, no matter their sexual orientation, in love.



  • Tara Angler- (Mid 20’s- Early 30’s). She is the owner of the LGBTQ club ‘Guilty Heart’ a club notorious for its ‘Speed Dating Extravaganza’, which has a proven track record of helping people finding love. She is a kid at heart and enjoys being everyone’s friend. She is in a serious relationship with Ursula. She identifies as a Lesbian and is not afraid to announce it to anyone who asks.



  • Thomas Redfield- (Late 20’s). An active gaymer with very bad manners and no self-awareness of his behavior. Another online date for Samus.



Speed Daters (In order of Appearance)

  • Greg- (Mid 20’s). A cocky Pervert who thinks his jokes are funny.

  • Matty- (20’s-30’s). Believes his best approach should be asking a Gay man their sexual position rather than introducing himself.

  • Will- (Late 20’s- Mid 30’s). Hates Effeminate Gay men.

  • Daniel- (Late 20’s). A clueless Gym Buff.

  • Doug- (Late 30’s). Just a man in need of drugs.

  • Hector- (Early 30’s) A man who wants a hookup with no strings attached.



EPISODE 1~ “PILOT”

Setting- New York City



FADE IN:



INT-SAMUS’ APARTMENT BUILDING-SUMMER- MID DAY



We approach the apartment door of SAMUS ORTIZ and footsteps are heard on the other side. The footsteps are loud and frantic.



After a few seconds the door swings open and someone rushes out of the apartment and runs down the flight of stairs. The door closes slowly.



Cuts To:

EXT- A MOVIE THEATRE IN NYC- MID DAY



People are walking past the theatre chatting and laughing with each other. It’s Friday afternoon and everyone was thrilled to get a jumpstart on their weekend. The New York City Summer weather of course made the afternoon even more magical.



The sun is shining and only hours away from setting but that didn’t seem to concern DYLAN BREGAR. He took another look down at his watch located on his right wrist and he let out a nervous sigh once again looking at everyone who passed him by.

Dissolves To:

INT- A NYC Street- MID DAY



We watch as SAMUS ORTIZ makes his way down a crowded block doing his best not to bang into anyone. He was walking fast and breathing heavily already sweating a little bit.



[During this scene the V.O (Voice Over) plays.]





SAMUS (V.O.)

Time, is something we never have too much of. Especially here in New York City. We try to make it through the crowds of people. Carefully navigating through business men on their lunch breaks, adults who are trying to text and walk at the same time to no avail. Wannabe supermodels thinking the sidewalk is their red carpet and of course the tourists taking pictures of everything they come across. We try to do this daily while maintaining our sanity and in this crazy city; our sanity is something that is very vital to keep.





SAMUS makes it to the theater and sees DYLAN a few feet away. DYLAN was too busy looking at a movie poster on the window that caught his attention to even notice SAMUS walking toward him.



SAMUS straightens his posture and smiles as he starts to walk toward DYLAN in a calm and collective state showing no indications that he was practically running to see him. He took one last second to wipe away any remaining sweat on his face.



SAMUS approached DYLAN and taps him lightly on his right shoulder causing DYLAN to look at him and smile widely.



DYLAN opens his arms and tightly hugs SAMUS catching the protagonist by surprise.





SAMUS

(pulls away from the hug)

I am so sorry I’m late. The 5 train ran express skipping my stop, so I had to take it Uptown then transfer to the Downtown train, for the stop I missed. (sighs trying to catch his breath) I expect nothing less from the MTA always robbing us but never improving their services





DYLAN

(smiles)

It’s fine. You’re not actually that late. Just a mere three minutes and twenty eight seconds. (Jokes) But who’s counting?





SAMUS

(gasps and lightly slaps DYLAN’s right arm) So how did the interview go?



DYLAN

Eh, it went great, but the paper isn’t too interested in my pictures. Apparently, they’re looking for something more ‘grim’ and ‘punk’.



SAMUS

Are you serious? They do know they’re a Gardening Magazine and not Hot Topic right?



DYLAN

(chuckles)

Apparently not.



SAMUS

Well, it’s clearly their loss. (Beat) I told you like eighty times, L&G is hiring for a photographer. I can talk to Belky to set you up for an interview.



DYLAN

And as I have told you numerous times, I don’t want to be under contract with anyone. I enjoy freelancing. Seeing the world through different angles with no restraints.



SAMUS

(puts hands up in defeat)

Well excuse me, Peter Parker.



DYLAN

(Chuckles and shakes head)

Hey, nothing wrong with trying to expand my portfolio.



SAMUS

Nothing wrong at all. (smiles and points to the theatre) Ready to see this new Uma Lohan film?



DYLAN

Sure! Um, why are we seeing this film again?



SAMUS

Belky assigned me to write a review. It’s Uma’s first film since she ran over her ex-boyfriend, then shaved her head and stabbed her assistant’s cat. So Belky wanted to make sure, I was the first one to review this film before Hesh’e Magazine does.



DYLAN

Ah okay. So in other words, we’re going to enjoy a free movie?



SAMUS

(smiles)

Damn right!





DYLAN nods and he opens the door signaling SAMUS to enter and SAMUS thanks him and walks inside. DYLAN couldn’t help but sneak a quick peek at SAMUS’s rear before he follows him in.

Dissolves to:



TWO HOURS LATER’- Appears on the screen.



The sun was no longer out and instead the stars in the sky were being outshined by the city lights. We watch as SAMUS and DYLAN walk out of the theatre with a look of dissatisfaction on their faces. They start to walk down the block slowly.





DYLAN

Well, that was dreadful. (Looks at Samus and changes his demeanor) Unless you liked it then it was-great!



SAMUS

(smiles shaking his head)

No, no it was awful. There’s no way I can pretend it was anything but.



DYLAN

And you have to write a review based on that? What are you going to say?



SAMUS

That’s the thing I don’t know. This film is kind of a conflict of interest for L&G Daily.



DYLAN

If I was you, I’d be as honest as possible. I don’t mean brutally honest like your last few articles I read.

SAMUS

Oh? (smiles impressed at Dylan) So behind all that New Jersey façade, you do read papers?



DYLAN

(shrugs)

Eh, only the good ones.





DYLAN lets out a chuckle as they continue to walk down the street together. He secretly glances at SAMUS and stops walking, causing SAMUS to do the same.



SAMUS

(turning to him in concern)

Is everything okay?



DYLAN

Yeah, it is…I just wanted to tell you… that aside from the horrible movie, I really had a great time. It feels amazing to finally get to be in the same space as you after we’ve been doing nothing but talking, texting and messaging each other for the past two months.



SAMUS

(in a cutesy voice)

Don’t forget we also shared all those cute kitten videos. Especially the one where the black kitty was dancing to that Taylor Swift song.

DYLAN smiles and slowly leans in toward SAMUS. SAMUS nervously does the same and we watch as both men stand in the middle of the NYC sidewalk kissing each other.

During this scene the VO plays.





SAMUS (V.O.)

Most stories begin with ‘Once Upon a Time’ or ‘In a Galaxy Far, Far Away’. Dates are quite similar to the beginning of stories. You get to start a new adventure with someone. But how? Well you have to establish chemistry and after you have successfully done that, the entire night depends on a kiss.

A kiss so magical, so strong and so amazing that it isn’t until your lips press against the other person’s, that you feel the electricity coursing through your body. Awakening your heart, causing it to beat again...Sadly I don’t think I’ll ever-





We look away from the men still kissing and gaze up at the beautiful stars in the sky.



CUTS TO:

INT- THE OFFICE OF BELKY ALLEN ‘EDITOR OF L&G DAILY’-MORNING



THE NEXT DAY- Appears on the screen.



We meet BELKY ALLEN seated behind a large wooden desk. He’s reading something on his computer screen.



We see SAMUS seated in front of him nervously listening to his boss read the article he spent the entire night typing. Next to SAMUS is GUSTIN ALLEN. He’s sitting in a cool and calm state listening to his father’s every word.



BELKY

(reading the computer screen)

-experience that magical kiss again. Maybe I’m not meant to ever find love. Either that or the Magic isn’t meant for me. (Stops reading and looks at Samus without showing any emotions.)

(to Samus) I have re-read this article eight times this morning.

I thought it was my lack of caffeine so I got my large coffee, then drank it and re-read the article again. I still cannot find any-any hint of the movie I told you to review.

Can you remind me of your position here at L&G Daily, again?



SAMUS

(slowly)

I’m a contributing writer for the Entertainment section.



BELKY

(claps his hands together)

That’s right! How could I forget? You’ve been writing for this site for exactly three years now. So why on Earth is there no mention of ‘Drowning Love’ in this post? Do you have an explanation for this weird-and I’m sure accidental- absence of that film?



SAMUS

(nods)

Yes I do. You see- (pauses) The movie sucked. And I don’t mean suck as in ‘Oh maybe it’s bearable the second time’, I mean suck as in, ‘Shoot me in the eyes!’.



BELKY

(Gives Samus an understanding nod) You see? You just gave me an amazing ten second review. So why couldn’t you type all that out in one thousand and six hundred words?



SAMUS

Well there is the obvious factor that Pablo Ellen is the head of FireRat Studios and he is also married to the man who finances and sponsors L&G Daily aka your business partner. He sent me an email yesterday morning for me to write an amazing and- I quote (uses his fingers as air quotes)”riveting review”. As you know, I may lie about being sick when I call out but I would never lie to my readers about a movie review.



GUSTIN

(nods in agreement)

He’s right dad. I was CC’ed in that email as well. It’s a conflict of interest to review his films. The readers will think we’re bias.



BELKY

(lets out a sigh of frustration and speaks less like a boss and more like a father figure.)

Remind me to send a very stern email to Pablo. When it comes to personal matters we leave all that crap at the door.





GUSTIN nods.





BELKY (CONT’D)

(to Samus)

Most people who submit something like this would be fired, Samus.



SAMUS

And if that’s what you intend on doing then I totally understand.-



SAMUS gets up from the chair and slowly makes his way toward the door as BELKY and GUSTIN watch him. GUSTIN is smiling shaking his head admiring SAMUS’ theatrical performance.







SAMUS (CONT’D)

(over dramatically)

I had a fantastic run here Belky and I have no doubt that you will miss me.

But I must go forth and ride into the Sunset, where the stars are now my friends, the wind is my blanket and the night guides me to my untimely death of starvation and dehydration. (touches the doorknob and turns around as if he was addressing a large audience in a theatre.)Farewell L&G Daily! How I loved thee, now I must venture into the cold cruel world! Farewell Gustin! Farewell Dahlings!(whispers) Farewell.



BELKY

Would you sit down?! You aren’t fired.



SAMUS

(Straightens his posture and closes the door) I’m not?





BELKY shakes his head and points to the seat signaling for SAMUS to return back to it. SAMUS reads the nonverbal gesture and he walks back to the chair and sits down on it.



SAMUS (CONT’D)

(Innocently)

Okay then. You may proceed.



BELKY

(Smiles shaking his head at the craziness that just took place. He folds his hands together on the desk.)

Thank you. Well, at first I was upset you didn’t review the film. But then I read the numbers. You posted this article at midnight and right now, it has six hundred thousand Shares, thirty eight thousand Likes, more than half a million retweets and the numbers are increasing as we speak. This is freaking gold!





SAMUS’ eyes widen in shock at the words. GUSTIN nods informing him it was true.





GUSTIN

It literally caused our servers to crash. Nothing like that ever happened to us before.

You clearly have talent kid as well as an amazing way with words. What exactly is this article about?



SAMUS

A date I had yesterday.



BELKY

Wait, wait! (laughs) You wrote about a date you had?



SAMUS

Yes! But in my defense, I needed somewhere to vent and Ursula wasn’t available. So I did what anyone who had three cups of wine with a keyboard and anger in his heart would do.



GUSTIN

Holy crap! I thought you made this up! So was that goodnight kiss really dull?



SAMUS

Um-





CUTS TO A FLASHBACK

START OF FLASHBACK:



We return to the scene where DYLAN and SAMUS were standing still talking to each other.





SAMUS

(in a cutesie voice)

Don’t forget we also shared all those cute kitten videos. Especially the one where the Black kitty was dancing to that Taylor Swift song.





DYLAN leans in and kisses SAMUS. The kiss was passionate and magical, after a few seconds SAMUS gently pulls back and smiles.





SAMUS (CONT’D)

W-wow that was amazing.



DYLAN

(Awkwardly touches his lips)

I-I should get going. It was- um nice meeting you.



DYLAN turns away from SAMUS and quickly walks away as if he just got called in for an emergency. SAMUS watches him in shock and confusion. The hurt in his eyes were evident as DYLAN left.



END OF FLASHBACK.



CUTS TO:

We return back to the office where BELKY and GUSTIN patiently wait for SAMUS to answer the question.



SAMUS (CONT’D)

-Yes, yea it was. (smiles innocently)





Frame Freezes.

SAMUS (VO)

Okay fine! So I lied and said the kiss was horrible. It was an amazing kiss and I felt the magic, I really did...unfortunately he didn’t and I found out later that night he blocked me! Not only my calls but my texts, then I found out he blocked me on Facebook, Tinderdate, Instagram, Twitter, etc! I really thought we hit it off...I guess I was wrong.

A month of speaking and I guess my kiss was where he didn’t feel the magic. He could’ve at least told me. I guess you live and you learn. Right?



Frame Resumes.



GUSTIN

(shaking his head in disbelief)

That is insane!



BELKY

(angrily)

I worked my ass off to create this as the damn best LGBTQ News outlet out there in New York City today! Then you come and turn in something that sounds like a-a..blog found on Tumblr! I created this site to educate the younger generation of this community.



SAMUS

But that’s the thing! Are we really educating the readers with lousy film reviews? Or by constantly showing pictures of Tom Daley in his underwear? Or crowning wannabe Instagram models because they have the best abs? I mean where are the voices of the real LGBTQ individuals? We’re freaking based in New York City and yet we have nothing to show that!





BELKY

(leans back on the chair and crosses his arms against his chest)

And your answer to that dilemma is a Dating column?



SAMUS

Hear me out, okay? (He inhales deeply and begins to talk fast)

Our articles cover everything from Celebrities, Celebrity bulges, which politician used a gay slur, porn stars who all of a sudden want to start writing articles to be taken seriously in the world and even to the perfect place to spend a weekend here in the Big Apple without getting arrested. (Takes a breath) But where is the column for Gay men who just want to date? I can write that!



BELKY

(To Gustin) Gay men date?



GUSTIN shrugs.



SAMUS

Exactly! When people hear ‘Gay Men’ they instantly think Hookups or back alley blowjobs, but that is far from the truth!

There are Gay men-like myself- who want to date, want to experience the hand holding romance, kissing in the rain and whatever corny crap you see in a Nicholas Sparks movie.



GUSTIN

Sounds reasonable. What will you be writing about if you get this column?



SAMUS

For starters? I want to write about my experience as a Gay Latino from the Bronx currently living in the city, trying to find love in a sea of men who only want hookups. In a city, where I’m seen as an outsider. (takes a breath trying to calm down from his excitement) I’m signed on to various dating apps and my best friend Ursula’s girlfriend owns a night club that holds speed dating events monthly. So I can write about my experiences on there.

I’ll also write about do’s and don’ts on the first date, interviewing couples already in a monogamous and committed relationship and I’ll also write about the dates that I go on.



BELKY

(nods thinking about the words that Samus was talking about. He pauses for a few seconds)

These dates you write about…will they include the names of the actual guys?



SAMUS

Oh, of course not! It’s just like- (points to the screen)- that article. I named the guy Dimmer and his real name was Dylan.





BELKY

(Sighs and tiredly nods)

Fine!-



SAMUS

(claps happily)

Yeah!!



BELKY

-It is just a trial run! I am giving you five weeks.

If the numbers increase weekly with each article you upload, then on the fifth week I will gladly give you your own column.



SAMUS

Oh I promise you Belky you will not regret this! (Gets up from the chair)



GUSTIN

One quick question...what do you plan on calling this column?



SAMUS

Hmm...How about ‘The Adventures of a Boy With A Broken Heart’? We’ll have the techies create an avatar for me so no one will know I’m the one behind it.



GUSTIN

Sounds smart. (smiles sincerely) Alright. I’m expecting your next article to be better than this one.



SAMUS

Oh it’ll be even better. Trust me.

BELKY

It better be.





SAMUS waves at both men and he leaves the office closing the door behind him. BELKY shakes his head rereading the article again.





GUSTIN

That one is a character.



BELKY

(still looking at the computer screen)

That one is going to send me to my early grave with all this stress.





GUSTIN laughs shaking his head and he takes out his phone to check his emails as the V.O. plays.





SAMUS (V.O.)

Well, there you have it. The beginning of my new story.

A story where there will be many interesting characters, a climax, secrets, lies and many twists and turns along the way. But that’s just like life. Isn’t it?

Now the questions you may have are: Will this unique idea actually launch my career as a Journalist? And will I actually find love on this weird journey? Or will I die trying? Either way buckle up –





CUTS TO:

FIVE WEEKS LATER (PRESENT DAY)” – Appears on the screen



We approach the apartment door as seen in the beginning of this episode. The door swings open and someone runs out. We enter the apartment to find everything was neat and clean. We walk in to find a black garbage bag on the ground and next to that bag was a bloodied kitchen knife. We move a few inches away from the bloody knife and discover SAMUS lying face up in a pool of blood with a puncture wound to his stomach shaking and trying to control his breathing.





SAMUS (V.O.) (CONT’D)

- Because it’s going to be one hell of a ride.







BLACK.





END OF EPISODE

EPISODE 2- “EXES AND OH...NOS!”



FADE IN:



INT- SAMUS’ APARTMENT (PRESENT DAY)- MID DAY



We re-enter SAMUS’ apartment rediscovering him on the floor as the V.O. plays.



SAMUS (V.O.)

Why is it so hard to find the right partner? I mean, we can find the right song to match our mood, the right hairstyle, the right apartment, the right selfie to post online; yet when it comes to finding someone that makes us laugh, smile and feel amazing, we are all lucked out. Life is funny and a mystery.





We pan over to SAMUS’ right hand and a few inches away we see a picture of SAMUS wearing a purple hoody with a man. All that was visible was the back of the man’s head.





SAMUS (V.O.) (CONT’D)

A mystery that once you solve it...you better pray to Goddess, it doesn’t cost you your life.





CUTS TO:

FOUR WEEKS EARLIER”- Appears on the screen



EXT- A NYC NEIGHBORHOOD- MIDDAY



The NYC street wasn’t as busy or fast paced as it was a weekend and everyone was enjoying the Summer weather and the many sights NYC had to offer for the season.



SAMUS is strolling with URSULA down the block as they both held a cup of smoothie in their hands. They are clearly in no rush to get to wherever they were going.



URSULA

It’s a mystery that not many people have the courage to solve. I mean, Dahling, it’s pretty obvious how to navigate through life.

Live, breathe, bathe, eat, work, have sex, drink, find love and die.



SAMUS

It’s a sick circle of life, if ya ask me.



URSULA

(Shrugs)

Eh, you just have to keep the faith Dahling and the universe will put the pieces together for you.







SAMUS

I’m impatient, you know that. (Beat) How’s Tara?



URSULA

(rolls her eyes)

Her dreadful mother is coming into town next month. Apparently, she wants to see if my Brownstone is appropriate for us to live in when we get married.



SAMUS

(He looks at her confusingly as he takes a small sip of his smoothie)

You guys are getting married?



URSULA

That’s the thing! We aren’t, nor have we discussed it. I mean we’ve been dating for merely three months and we aren’t even living in the same facility. Not to mention (Pauses and lets out a deep sigh) Kyle is back in town.



SAMUS

(stops walking and opens his mouth to gasp)

Kyle? As in your ex-boyfriend Kyle? The one that you dumped for Tara? The one who’s heart you broke into a kabillion pieces to jump into the pond where you are now dating women?









URSULA

(Stops walking as well and giggles nodding her head waiting for him to finish)

Yes! And for the record, he wasn’t that heartbroken. He survived and we still chat every night on Facebook.





SAMUS takes another sip of his smoothie and he starts to walk again causing URSULA to do the same thing.





SAMUS

I don’t know how you can do it. I can’t be friends with my ex-especially since that bastard cheated on me. I mean, can exes even be friends?



URSULA

Not all exes hold grudges Sam-Sam.

Many can actually be friends with each other. Like Ben Affleck with Jennifer Lopez and Garner, Taylor Swift with Joe Jonas, Taylor Lautner, Harry Styles, John Mayer and Loki!



SAMUS

I don’t know. It seems weird to me. Exes are like damaged shoes. Once you have worn them out and you can’t repair them, throw them away! Don’t put them back on and walk through broken glass wearing them.





URSULA

I guess it really depends just how you ended things. All I know is that Kyle and I are great friends and Tara doesn’t mind.



SAMUS

Props to Tara. She’s a good one. Ugh! (Beat) Why are Lesbians so sweet, kind, humble and romantic?



URSULA

(shrugs smiling)

I guess we’re just amazing people. Goddess made us in her image. (She nudges Samus and laughs as they continue walking)



SAMUS

Blah blah blah!





URSULA and SAMUS continue to walk and Man #1 (Mid 20’s), very attractive, tall, wearing a tank top) stops in front of them.

URSULA and SAMUS stop walking and they look at him.





MAN #1

I’m sorry to interrupt, I’m heading to a party for a friend and-I’m lost. He texted me this address and I have no idea where I’m going. (To Samus) Can you help me?

MAN#1 takes out his phone and hands it to SAMUS. Unfortunately SAMUS looks down at his feet slowly taking another sip of the smoothie. URSULA notices what SAMUS was doing and she takes the phone smiling.



URSULA

(reads the screen)

Oh Dahling, you are waaay off.

You need to take the 4 train downtown. You’re going to get off on 149 street Grand Concourse.





URSULA hands the phone back to MAN#1 and he smiles thanking her. He looks at SAMUS and gives him a smile but SAMUS looks away avoiding eye contact.





MAN #1

(turns once again to Ursula smiling and takes back his phone) Thank you so much!



URSULA

Of course! Have fun at the party, don’t drink too much.





MAN#1 nods and waves at URSULA as he leaves and SAMUS clears his throat. He looks at URSULA.







SAMUS

Okey dokey. So where were we? (pauses) Ah yes! You shouldn’t be friends with your ex.



URSULA

(looks at Samus smirking)

Um Dahling... What was that?



SAMUS

(Completely lost)

What was what?



URSULA

That guy was totally checking you out and you were ignoring him as if he was a Republican in a Gay club.



SAMUS

(In denial)

Pfft! No he wasn’t! He was just lost and looking for directions.



URSULA

Oh Bloody Hell! Are all you Americans so dense? (shakes her head) He was hoping to speak to you. It’s very romantic yet a cliché, but a Bloody good ice breaker.



SAMUS

First off, you were born and raised in Detroit. I have no idea where the hell you picked up that English accent.

Secondly, he was probably into the idea of being with me. Once he hears me speak, he’s going to do what every guy does and run away, like Hollywood running away from originality.



URSULA

Whether you like it or not Sam-Sam, this is your voice. There is no changing it and I don’t think you should ever feel bad about it. I love how your voice sounds and you should too.



SAMUS

Of course I do. It’s just most men don’t. You know how it is. (Lowers his voice to mimic a masculine man) ‘I’m a Masc looking for another Masc brah and if I wanted to date a girl I would. Ya heard?’



URSULA

(Giggles)

Ewww, those men are gross! Which is why I’m dating a girl now.



SAMUS

Yeah I can’t do that.





URSULA and SAMUS continue walking through the NYC neighborhood together still at a casual pace.







URSULA

So any plans for tonight?



SAMUS

Yeppies. I have a date with this guy I matched with on Grindate.



URSULA

Isn’t that the app married men on the Downlow use to hook up?



SAMUS

Oh no, that’s Grindr you’re thinking about. No, Grindate is an app for strictly monogamous men to find a soul mate.



URSULA

Ooh I see now. (nods her head) Dahling, let’s go get some sushi I’m completely famished.



SAMUS

How can you eat so much? We just had a hotdog ten minutes ago.



URSULA

(shrugs and flips her hair back mimicking a high school popular girl)

Guess I was born that way.



SAMUS

(aside)

Minus the accent.





URSULA playfully gasps and nudges SAMUS and they continue walking down the street laughing and chatting inaudibly.





CUTS TO:

INT-WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK-EVENING



DATE #2: PHILLIP ELLIS- Appears on the screen



SAMUS walks into the park looking around for his date. The evening brought about many people to the park as well as musicians taking any opportunity to practice their talents.



SAMUS didn’t see his date amongst the crowd so he decides to sit down on an empty bench and wait.



We watch as PHILLIP ELLIS walks in from the opposite entrance of the park. He spots SAMUS sitting down and decides to quietly walk over to him and waits until he isn’t paying attention and he jumps out scaring SAMUS.





SAMUS

(flinches and holds his chest)

Who the hell are you Ellen?! You scared the crap out of me!



PHILLIP

(laughs clapping his hands together)

I’m sorry man! I just couldn’t resist.

PHILLIP sits down next to SAMUS on the bench and hugs him. After a few seconds PHILLIP lets go of SAMUS and leans back on the bench looking at him.





PHILLIP (CONT’D)

It’s great to finally meet you.



SAMUS

Likewise! You got here pretty fast you live nearby?



PHILLIP

(nodding) Yessir! I live a few blocks from here and strangely I work in Brooklyn. But thankfully I called in sick and tomorrow I’m off, so I’m beyond thrilled.



SAMUS

That sounds like a relaxing time. I wish I can just call in sick like that. But my boss lives in the same building as me and he would have a fit if I stood home. I like to think they can’t function without me. (smiles)



PHILLIP

A man of authority? Could you be any hotter?



SAMUS

(laughs)

I could be but then I would melt the world.



PHILLIP

That is true and the last time I checked I enjoy the world for what it i—





PHILLIP looks over to his right and sees a man walking towards them. He quickly grabs SAMUS and kisses his lips passionately; this action causes SAMUS to flare his hands in the air as if he was drowning in a pool. As we watch this happen the VO plays.





SAMUS (V.O.)

Yep another kiss and this time there is no magic. (pauses) Oh God, did Dylan break me?!





PHILLIP opens his eyes during the kiss and watches as the young man he was trying to make jealous, passes them by. SAMUS gently pushes PHILLIP off of him.





SAMUS

Phillip, I...um, I think you are very cute I do. But I’m just not interested in going straight into making out before I get to know you.



PHILLIP

(stands up and watches the man)

Dammit! He was supposed to get jealous!



SAMUS

(looks at Phillip and then at the man who was long gone. He rises to his feet, angry and in shock)

You kissed me to make some guy jealous?



PHILLIP

Well clearly it didn’t work. If it did I would be heading home for some good make up sex.



SAMUS

(Gasps)

You tall and gorgeous Jerkwad! You were using me this whole time to get back at your ex!



PHILLIP

(Turns to Samus) Yes I was alright!? I needed to be seen so that Eric-my ex- could find me with you and then get super jealous. His jealous rage, would cause us to argue but then he would realize that he still loves me and BLAMMO! He would be back at my place, legs in the air, screaming my name out.



SAMUS

That is oddly specific as well as insulting. (Beat) I am not some guy you could just use to get your ex back! I am a human being, not some ‘Flavor of the Hour’! If you want to get your ex back, then I advise you to do what any decent person would do and go talk to him.



PHILLIP

I can’t! I screwed up pretty bad. (sits back down on the bench and buries his face in his hands)I’m a loser! A stupid, stupid loser!



SAMUS

(aside)

Oh there’s no fighting you on that. (He sighs and sits next to Phillip) What did you do that made him..dump you?



PHILLIP

(looks at Samus)

I…I had sex with his roommate without him there.



SAMUS

(stares at Phillip for a mere 30 seconds)

I’m sorry you did what, without whom there?



PHILLIP

Eric and I are-were- in an open relationship. We would only hookup with someone together. We never played with anyone else alone. It was against our unity.



SAMUS

So you hooked up with Eric’s roommate, while Eric wasn’t there? Eric found you, dumped you and now he hates you?







PHILLIP

Yes!(cries into his hands comically)I’m an idiot!



SAMUS

(gently rubs Phillip’s back trying to console him as he looks at everyone watching them.)

There, There. It’s going to be okay. He will totally forgive you in time. I just think, right now he needs some space. Once he realizes you are the best thing to um...ever happen to him. He’ll come around and call you.



PHILLIP

(lifts his head up and looks at Samus)

Y-you think so?



SAMUS

(Nods)

Sure yeah.(pauses)Yeah sure.



PHILLIP

You’re right. But I’m impatient. I need Eric. (He jumps up to his feet and runs through the crowd) ERIC! ERIC! ERIIIIIIIIICCCC!!!!!!!



SAMUS watches as PHILLIP runs away and he sighs to himself looking around embarrassed.



SAMUS

MMkay, that wasn’t strange.



SAMUS gets up from the bench and walks out of the park shaking his head in disbelief. We watch as he walks out and the VO plays.



SAMUS (V.O.)

Another date down and I’m pretty sure a second date wasn’t going to happen. I sure hope Phillip doesn’t call me when he and Eric get back together because I don’t do threesomes and I certainly don’t hookup with men in open relationships.

I’m not judging at all, trust me. I just don’t like to share. I’m selfish.

Well, one date down and a few more to go, so what is my objective since this date was a bust?

I’m soo going to eat a slice of cheesecake and watch some Charmed reruns.

There’s no harm in doing that, right?





CUTS TO:

PRESENT DAY”- Appears on the screen.



INT-THE HALLWAY OF SAMUS’ APARTMENT BUILDING-MID DAY



BELKY ALLEN walks up the stairs speaking on his cellphone.



BELKY

(speaking on the phone) I know what you mean!.. (on phone)

I do but you need to understand that we already gave the okay for the article to be published online…No I don’t care how he feels about it..Again I don’t care! He was interviewed by one of my best reporters, anything that he didn’t want included in the article should have been off the record…That’s not true…Emmanuel, said everything was on the record. (He approaches Samus’ door and knocks on it.) I have to go Anne, like I said, the article is going up and that’s it. Next time, make sure your client is prepped on what he should share. (He hangs up the phone and places it in his pocket. He knocks on the door again)

Samus it’s Belky, we need to talk!





BELKY continues to knock on the door. We re-enter SAMUS’ apartment and watch as SAMUS tries to speak up to signal his distress to BELKY.





SAMUS

(quietly)

H-Help me…Pl-please. Help m- (closes his eyes and falls into an unconscious state)





BLACK





END OF EPISODE.

EPISODE 3- “PORKY”

FADE IN:

INT- SAMUS’ APARTMENT- MORNING

SAMUS opens his eyes and we discover that he is on his bed. The sun shines in through his window waking him up.

He stretches and sits up on the bed, wanting to get the day started but at the same time, he just wanted to sleep for the rest of his Saturday. We watch as he gets off the bed and walks into the bathroom, while the VO plays.



SAMUS (V.O.)

Every day we wake up in hopes of having a beautiful day. That the worries of yesterday all disappear and we tell ourselves that, ‘Today will be different’ when we all know that is a complete lie.

It’s a lie because sure the day might be new, but those same worries and problems are always there. That’s how life works; we lie to ourselves to make our day go by smoothly. Our own little Self Fulfilling Prophecy.





SAMUS walks out of the bathroom-after washing his hands of course- and he walks into the kitchen eager to make a fresh cup of coffee, when there is a KNOCK on the door. This causes SAMUS to let out a frustrated sigh. He walks over to the door slowly.





SAMUS

(Aside)

I do not have any coffee in my system to deal with whomever this is.





He opens the door and we see CARLITO REYES standing in the doorway with a smirk on his face.





SAMUS (CONT’D)

(Sighs clearly not happy to see him)

What are you doing here? Garbage pick-up isn’t until Wednesday.



CARLITO

(He smirks not letting the insult get to him.)

Funny Ortiz, if you were truly this hilarious maybe you would’ve made it far as a reporter, rather than a sad little blogger.



SAMUS

What are you doing here? I don’t have any coffee in my blood and I believe that is an argument that can get me acquitted for murder.





CARLITO

That threat again? Geez, I thought for sure you would already have done it, since you know. Your ex-boyfriend dumped you for me. (beat) Oh by the way, Ethan says ‘Hi’!





FRAME FREEZES

SAMUS (V.O.)

Meet Carlito Reyes. He believes he’s my arch rival because he works over at Hesh’e Magazine which is L&G Daily’s competitor; but we both know he could never reach my level. And as funny as it is, he is also the one trick pony, Ethan cheated on me with. Yes, he truly did trade down.

FRAME RESUMES.





SAMUS

I’m going to ask again, why are you here?



CARLITO

(Clears his throat as if he had something of great importance to say) I’ve been reading your little-(he puts his fingers up making air quotes)- “column” and I must say it is very evident that you stole my idea.



SAMUS

(Chuckles at the mere thought) That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard! And I know dumb, I’ve interviewed Stacey Dash.



CARLITO

(angrily crosses his arms across his chest)

I am not kidding! I have been trying to pitch to my editor the idea of me giving out advice to other fags. Then you come from under me and steal it! Now I plan on suing you for everything you have!



SAMUS

Suing me? For an idea? Wow, that is a new low for you. And you know how to get low, you’re always on your knees.

(Beat) If you want to sue me for an idea then go ahead! The last time I checked, anything that had your name on it was tossed out ever since you fabricated that story about Lance Glass dating Evan Andrews. And how did that work out for you? Oh yeah! You were fired from ‘BubblePop Online!’, sued for 20k by Lance and Evan’s legal team and then you were kicked out of your luxurious Upper East Side Penthouse, like the garbage you are.

Now you want to come here and what? Hmm? Threaten to sue me for an idea which you so conveniently and ironically had? Who the hell were you going to give advice to? Future home wreckers?

CARLITO

(Opens his mouth to speak but Samus interjects quickly)



SAMUS

I don’t even care what you have to say. The thought of hearing your voice again makes me want to jump out of the window and hope to Goddess a truck runs me over!

What you can do is go back to whatever box you’re currently living in and have a nice life!





SAMUS slams the door shut leaving CARLITO dumbfounded and shocked. CARLITO takes out his cellphone and dials a number as he slowly walks over to the staircase.





DISSOLVES TO:

DATE #3: PARKER MYERS”- Appears on the screen



INT-ON A NYC SIDEWALK-MID DAY



We find SAMUS sitting on a bench texting on his phone checking his emails. PARKER MYERS crosses the street and notices SAMUS. PARKER’s face lights up and he smiles wide as he approaches SAMUS.







PARKER

Your profile picture clearly neglected to capture your true beauty.



SAMUS

(Looking up from his phone he smiles and stands up)

Aww thank you so much, Parker. Someone is being too sweet. Any sweeter then I might get cavities.





PARKER lets out a chuckle and he opens his arms embracing SAMUS. SAMUS smiles and hugs back sniffing the older man’s cologne smiling.





PARKER

Just being honest.



SAMUS

An honest man? They still make those? You smell good what are you wearing?



PARKER

(Releases Samus and smiles at his words)

Oh no, I assure you. I am one of kind. And I’m wearing some new cologne my M- I-I mean my friend picked out for me. It’s called Lorne.



SAMUS

(nods slowly)

Ah okay.

PARKER and SAMUS begin to walk together slowly down the sidewalk.





PARKER

I have to admit, I was very nervous to ask you out. Not because you’re not attractive, because you are very cute, it’s just that-I’m a bit older than you.



SAMUS

(jokingly)

You are? I hadn’t noticed.



PARKER

(smirks and nudges Samus playfully as they continue walking down the sidewalk.) Yeah whatever. (Pauses) I just know how some young guys are when it comes to dating older men.



SAMUS

Yeah that is true but I assure you; I definitely take the cake when it comes to being different.



PARKER

I like that. Different is definitely good.





SAMUS nods agreeing with PARKER and to the surprise of both men MARY jumps in front of them holding a picnic basket in her right hand and a camera phone in her left. Both men stop walking and look at her.





MARY

(Takes a picture with her camera phone smiling)

Aww look how cute you two look. It warms my heart to see two men in love!





SAMUS and PARKER look at MARY in shock. PARKER is embarrassed and SAMUS is confused.





SAMUS

Um, excuse me Miss..can we help you with something?



MARY

(Places her hand on her chest gasping)

Miss? Oh no honey, please call me..Mom.



SAMUS

Mom?



PARKER

(embarrassed)

Mom!



SAMUS

(To Parker)

Mom?!







PARKER

(rubs his forehead in frustration)

This is Mary..(sighs) My mother.





SAMUS doesn’t know what to say or think, he smiles at MARY and she waves at him.



MARY

(Has a wide smile on her face)

I didn’t mean to intrude on your date. But once I saw that Porky-that’s his nickname- was going on a date I couldn’t believe it. It has been way too long since he ever went on one. So I logged on to his laptop and found the conversation you two had and I must say, you are very cute.



PARKER

(stunned and angry. He shakes his leg as if he was a child throwing a temper tantrum) You did what? (whines) Mom! Why are you touching my stuff?



MARY

(To Parker) Don’t you ‘mom’ me, young man. I pay the rent as well as your electricity, phone and Netflix bills. If you didn’t want me to snoop through your various social media accounts, then maybe you shouldn’t make your password ‘PorkyLovesFries’.







PARKER

(Crosses his arms across his chest as if he was a child denied a new toy)



SAMUS

I’m sorry to interrupt this erm..love fest? But what exactly is happening here?



PARKER

(shakes his head feeling embarrassed)

I am so sorry Samus.



MARY

(claps her hands together happily)

Your name is Samus? That is such a beautiful name! Did you know it’s also the same name as the Third Macedonian poet? It’s also the female variant of Sheamus, so I can tell; you’re going to be the Bottom.



PARKER

(shocked)

Mom!



SAMUS

(Aside)

I need a drink.



MARY

Oh hush Porky! I know what you guys do in the bedroom. I’ve watched ‘OZ’ and ‘Queer As Folk’. (To Samus) I used to watch ‘Looking’ but that fellah with the Dumbo ears was soooo annoying.



SAMUS

(nods smiling nervously)

Mhmm!



PARKER

Mom I am begging you to just stop.



MARY

(lifts her hands up in defeat)

Okay, Okay. (Remembers the basket she had in her hand) Oh I totally forgot! I prepared a basket for you boys.



SAMUS

That’s so sweet of you, Mary-



MARY

Call me mom.



SAMUS

(aside)

Not gonna happen. (Smiles) Again that was so sweet of you, it was, but we were just going to check out this new Vegan restaurant down the street.



MARY

Oh. (surprised) You’re a Vegan?



SAMUS

(shakes his head)

Not at all. I just like to try new foods.









MARY

I was about to say. (smiles) With a juicy booty like that you are faaar from Vegan.





SAMUS bites his bottom lip trying to hold onto his thoughts not let them slip from his mouth and he gave the woman a smile.





PARKER

Okay mom! You need to go home now. You are being crude and disrespectful.



MARY

Fine I’ll go. But not without giving you boys this basket first.



PARKER

Just like Samus said, we’re going to get something to eat.



MARY

This isn’t food silly. (Holds the basket up to them) It’s filled with condoms, lube, edible lube, the first two seasons of ‘Glee’-which were the only seasons worth watching and a CD of me singing show tunes. I know how you gays love your show tunes.



SAMUS

(aside)

Hello Stereotypes.





MARY hands SAMUS the basket and he takes it. His eyes widen as he feels it vibrate in his hand and he looks at her.





SAMUS

Why is it vibrating?!



MARY

(winks)

Oh you know why. And I’ve included extra Double A batteries. They’re Duracell (winks), so you know they’ll last longer.







PARKER snatches the basket away from SAMUS and looks at his mother. We focus on the conversation PARKER and MARY are about to have.





PARKER

(Faces his mother)

You have embarrassed me for the last time! You are going to take this basket and go home! No ‘ands, ifs or buts’!



MARY

I’m sorry if I got super stoked to see you finally getting back out there after all these months of you whining and complaining that no one likes you.



PARKER

And how are you making that better now? You’re sabotaging what would be an amazing date with your shenanigans. You’re scaring Samus away! Now apologize to him and go home.



MARY

(Nodding)

You’re right Porky. I’m truly sorry that wasn’t my intention. And Samus I-





MARY and PARKER turn to face SAMUS but they realize he is no longer there. He snuck away while they were arguing. They are both upset and shocked to see he was gone.





PARKER

Dammit, Mom! I really liked that one!







CUTS TO:

Just around the corner SAMUS is seen speed walking through the crowds of people getting away from the chaos that was PARKER and MARY. As he safely crosses the street the V.O plays.





SAMUS (V.O.)

Well that was definitely interesting. It’s crazy what you find online and even crazier whom you find online. But the journey makes it all worthwhile in the end. After all, what is a story without twists and turns along the way?





DISSOLVES TO:



THREE WEEKS LATER (PRESENT DAY)” – Appears on the Screen



INT- SAMUS’ APARTMENT HALLWAY-MID DAY



BELKY knocks on the door one last time before he grows upset and decides to go upstairs angrily mumbling to himself. As he goes upstairs stomping, URSULA walks up the stairs from the lower floor talking on her cellphone.



URSULA

(into the phone)

I know Dahling……Exactly why I’m going to ask Samus if he can cat sit Ariel…….Oh please, she loves him…….I believe he is allergic to cats but he’ll be fine…….(giggles)Exactly! I want this weekend to be amazing and none of us having to worry about the cat………Okay well I’m here now. I’ll talk to you later. (hangs up the phone and knocks on the door) Dahling, it’s Ursula!





URSULA knocks on the door again and decides to turn the doorknob. The door unlocks easily and she shakes her head opening the door wider.





URSULA (CONT’D)

Dahling, I’ve told you plenty of times that you cannot leave your door open. You may live in Manhattan but the psychos are still out there.





We watch as URSULA enters the apartment closing the door behind her. The sound of URSULA’S heels can be heard from the other side of the door. Within thirty seconds we hear URSULA scream.





URSULA (O.S.)

Oh my goddess! SAMUS?! SAMUS! SOMEONE HELLLP!!!!!





BLACK.





END OF EPISODE

EPISODE 4- “NEXT!”

FADE IN:



INT- HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM- PRESENT DAY- EVENING



URSULA is pacing back and forth nervously in the hospital’s waiting area. She looked as if she was crying for hours and her hands were covered with dried blood.



TARA turns the corner of the waiting area and spots URSULA. She sighs in relief and walks over to her.





TARA

Babe! I came as fast as I could. How is he?



URSULA

(sighs in relief and hugs Tara tightly, fighting back tears) I-I don’t know. The doctors took him and they won’t tell me anything.(Pulls back from the hug and looks at her hands) B-But there was blood…so much blood everywhere.



TARA

(Holds her wrists trying to console her)

It’s going to be alright babe. Samus is a fighter. He will get through this.





Doctor #1 walks around the corner and approaches both women. URSULA spots him and lets out a nervous sigh.





DOCTOR#1

Are you family members of Samus’?



URSULA

Yes, he’s my brother. How is he, doctor? Is he going to be okay?



DOCTOR#1

(With a solemn look on his face)

I-I’m sorry…He’s-







CUTS TO:

TWO WEEKS EARLIER”- Appears on the screen.



INT- A NYC CAFÉ- EARLY EVENING



DATE #4- THOMAS”- Appears on the screen.



THOMAS

-Dead! He’s dead! The writers just killed off the main character half way through the show! Can you freaking believe that?! Those are some brave writers if you ask me.





We approach SAMUS and THOMAS REDFIELD in a quiet and half empty café and seated across from each other at a small table. SAMUS is smiling as THOMAS continues to speak but it was pretty clear, SAMUS didn’t want to be on this date anymore.







SAMUS

(dryly)

Wow, that must’ve been a huge twist for you.



THOMAS

Oh not really. I read the comics so I knew he was going to die before the show even aired. But I was still shocked they killed him considering he’s a fan favorite.



SAMUS

(Nods slowly)

Ah I see. (Beat) So Thomas, how long have you been single?



THOMAS

(Ponders)

Very good question..Hmm..What year did Veluck invade Allensvilla and then impregnate his sister?





THOMAS pauses waiting for SAMUS to laugh at the poorly told joke but instead SAMUS just stares at him blankly.



THOMAS (CONT’D)

(clears his throat realizing Samus didn’t get the joke) Um, a little over three years now. I divulge all my free time to keeping my community safe from bullies and crime.



SAMUS

(Sits up straight on the chair finally intrigued)

That is amazing! What district are you in? I think I saw a news segment about vigilantes who have devoted their time to protecting their neighborhoods. I mean sure they’re not bulletproof, but it has brought the crime rate in Brooklyn significantly lower than what it was a year ago.



THOMAS

(laughs realizing what he said was misunderstood by Samus and he shook his head) Oh no! I didn’t mean my actual neighborhood. I meant, my online community, in the game WorldOfMagic! I brought eight houses and married two gnomes, an elf and this huge Troll. Normally I’m not into Interspecies relationships-(whispers)- Or interracial relationships. But this dude is Level 989 and he is equipped with the Sword of Validation, how could you say no to that?



SAMUS

(aside)

I wish I said No to this.

THOMAS

Crap! I gotta take a whiz! (He gets up from the chair)





We watch as THOMAS walks over to the bathroom and SAMUS softly bangs his head on the table. He stops as his cellphone vibrates and he takes it out of his pocket. He looks at the screen and reads it to himself.





Hey Sam-Sam! I dnt kno what u up to, but dnt 4get 2nite is the Speed Dating Extravaganza! So U betta get ya big booty to the club ASAP! See ya then! Xoxoxox-Ursula”- appears on the screen.



SAMUS texts back: “Sure thing! I’ll see you later tonight. Make sure Andrew Garfield is there early.”- Appears on the screen.



The phone vibrates again: “Dahling, Andrew Garfield is NOT Gay!”- Appears on the screen.



SAMUS texts back: “Not yet ;)” – Appears on the screen.





THOMAS walks over to SAMUS and extends his right hand almost touching SAMUS’ nose.





THOMAS (CONT’D)

Does my hands smell like Pineapple or Cherry?



SAMUS

(looks at Thomas’ hand and then at Thomas)

Oh they have new soap in the bathroom?



THOMAS

(lowers his eyesbrows)

I don’t know man. I didn’t wash my hands.



SAMUS

(claps his hands together)

And with that I am calling this date officially over. (gets up from the chair grabbing his jacket)



THOMAS

(confused)

Why? Was it something I said?



SAMUS

Something you said? This date was over the moment you burped five times without excusing yourself! Then when you started babbling on and on about that damn movie based off of a video game. Newsflash buddy! Movies based on videogames are never really that good anyways! And not to mention-



THOMAS

Ah I see. You’re one of those Gays.



SAMUS

Excuse me?



THOMAS

You’re one of those Gays who think they’re better than us Gay Nerds because they’re all about Fashion, Make-up and theatre.



SAMUS

(chuckles)

Are you serious?! You’re basically stereotyping me based on what? If you haven’t noticed, you spent the entire date talking about bullcrap! And not to mention, you’re disgusting! You were so boring I was actually counting how many cockroaches I’ve seen crawl under the counter, which by the way is more than enough reasons to never return back to this place again!



THOMAS

You remind me so much of the Dark Lord Garinstone in my favorite anime, ‘DarkLoverHeart’.



SAMUS

Yeah, I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult.



THOMAS

He was the main villain who was shallow, rude and cold. He pissed off the protagonist Seriko and in the season three finale, Seriko stabbed Garinstone in the stomach ripping his intestines out.



SAMUS

(pauses and nods)

Yeah…okay.




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